Feeling like no one is there for you

During this time of crisis we all need someone. Someone to talk to. Someone to lean on. Someone to offer support and love. What do you do when you don't have that? Everyday that passes I feel more and more alone even though I have my husband here.
He's only here in body however. He's not a support system. He's not someone I can talk to. He's in charge and it's his way. I don't do anything right in his eyes. His job is more important. Any issue that comes up he faces with anger and hatred. And that is if he is around.
 Normally he is down in his office working, playing video games or drinking. I'm so tired of the video games and drinking. Is computer is more important than his children. Definitely more important than me. He doesn't understand that I am on the verge of a breakdown right now. I'm trying to hold it all together but it is just by a hair.
This situation is wearing so heavy on me as it is with many. He has his escapes. I do not. And then on top of that, I don't even have his support. I am so thankful that I have my children that but that is not a burden for them to endure. But they are the only reason I smile right now. 

Marriage is lonely

Growing up I always had a picture in my head about what life would look like. I was married, with children. I was a stay at home mom raising my kids. My husband and I were happy. After I became a single mom at the age of 23 my picture changed drastically. I was sad, lonely, depressed. After a while, however, I found peace with it. I had this amazing little boy and so much support and love around me. I was able to love my life.

I tried dating a few times here and there and it was always a disaster. Always. I finally gave up the idea of finding anyone and became content with being alone. When my son was 8 I met the man I would later marry. Early in our relationship we were so happy and in love. We made time for each other even though we both had children. After a year of dating we were engaged and then married a year after that. We planned our wedding in a week, were married at a local recreation facility, and went back to normal life the Monday after the wedding. We never honeymooned. We barely even celebrated the wedding because he had a panic attack the night of the wedding that lasted for 3 months after.

Since we were married things have never been great. They've been good at best but usually just ok or not great. We fight constantly. There is no romance in our relationship. Even though I'm married I am so lonely. We used to have so much in common when we were dating and now it feels like we shouldn't even live in the same zip code. We are roommates and not much more at this point in our lives. I never pictured that marriage would be so lonely.